Alone
by Amarra
Summary: As Angel sinks to the bottom of the ocean, he reflects. B/A involved.


Title: Alone Summary: Angel angst (I love his mind). Short ficlet. Rating: PG Spoilers: For Tomorrow only. The "reunion" is purely speculating. Author's Note: I need something new for the site, I decided to write something new and fresh. Hope oyu like it. I took a self-imposed hiatus - so I'm not sure what this is. I'm just going to write and see where it goes. ------------------------------------- Angel sunk slowly to the bottom - unsure of what to think. What was he supposed to do? Say? He didn't have anybody to talk to. He was in a box, sealed shut, drifting to the bottom of the middle of the ocean. He wasn't worried about dying. He didn't need air. He was just - worried. What had happened to Cordelia? What were Gunn and Fred going to do when he didn't come back? Would he ever get out of this box? Angel cried. For the first time in a long time, he cried. He cried so hard he felt pain in his chest. He looked down and hardly even cared that it wasn't crying that was the problem, it was part of the melted lock sticking into his side. Angel was a large man - his shoulders bulky, his stance wide, his overall appearance impressively large. His body was not small enough to fit into this box comfortably. Everytime he breathed there was pain. Matched what he felt in his heart. His son had betrayed him, put him in a box for a long and slow death. Angel wasn't sure how long he could stay in this box. Angel could wait for a long time - that wasn't the problem. He had to feed, eventually. Angel thought. He brooded. He thought about everything. His long past, his present problem, his indescribable future. Angel didn't like to think about he future. It brought back too many memories of when he had possible futures and he blew them away because he was scared. Scared of hurting people, scared of confronting his demon, scared of turning into what he hated the most. He thought of his life and what It had meant to him. Buffy - his love, his life, his death. She brought out so many weaknesses him and he had always thought he would die doing something noble and sacred for only her. There was a time when he thought they would be together forever. That time had passed and Angel never thought it would return. Buffy had moved on. Pain sliced through him and he closed his eyes tightly remembering all too vividly when he had last seen her.  
  
Angel pulled up in his car, parking it and turning off the lights slowly and watched a blonde lithe figure pull up and he sighed, forcing tears back in his throat and trying not to cry. He had practically died when she had - died. It was funny how life works. They were tied together somehow. Angel walked out of the car truly believeing that. She stepped out looking more beautiful than ever, taking long languid strides to reach him, and it didn't take him long before he realized that's he had ears in her eyes. She reached him and they stared at each other for a long time before either made a move. Finally, Buffy reached up and caressed his face.  
  
"I'm really here, you know." She said softly, completely understanding what he was going through, thinking back to a time when she had felt the exact same way. It seemed so long ago.  
  
"I know." He mumbled, reaching up to grasp her hand, slowly stroking his thumb over her fingers.  
  
Buffy shivered, beliving this was honestly was one of the most sensual moments in her life. Angel looked up into her eyes, and Buffy stepped closer leaving his lips inches form hers.  
  
"Don't leave me," she mumbled.  
  
"never." He promised. "I have to go back - I don't want to, but I will never leave you."  
  
"I was in heaven." She said as she looked up at him. "they took me away."  
  
Angel's eyes got wider and horror filled them and he clutched her tightly to him. "Oh My God," he breathed. "I wouldn't have - I wouldn't have-"  
  
"If you had known." Buffy finished for him and kissed him sweetly on the lips. "And that's why I only feel safe with you. Why I can only feel with you. Everything else is hardened - like I can touch it but it doesn't matter how hard I try to feel it, I can't!"  
  
Angel clutched at her harder, breathing in her scent.  
  
"Do you need me to go back with you?" he asked sweetly, understanding what it was like to be ripped form somewhere where you feel safe and peaceful.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, trying to force herself to say no. "It's okay." leaning into him. "I just need some time to get -"  
  
"-adjusted." E finished fo rher.  
  
They smiled at one another and p[assion grew silently in a way either of them had nevr experienced before and they kissed softly then harder, with more passion. The'r relationship was so much more than lust - it was faith an dlove and trust.  
  
"I need to go." Buffy mumbled against his lips. "Dawn freaks if I'm gone for long."  
  
Angel nodded, resting his forehead against hers, and taking one last kiss, he stepped back.  
  
"I'll call you." He said huskily.  
  
Buffy smiled. "Anytime. Will you come visit me when you can?"  
  
"Always." Angel breathed. They both stopped and raced abck to eah other, stepping into the other's arms, feeling more at home than eaitherr had in awhile. Buffy started to cry and ripped herself away from him - a clean break from the growing ache in her stomach.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you."  
  
They climbed into their cars. Buffy pulled out first and Angel leaned out to kiss her from inside the car.  
  
"Be careful, love."  
  
Buffy smiled and nodded and Angel kissed her on the forhead, Buffy kissed him on her neck. Buffy felt his eyes on her neck.  
  
"I lobve it almost as much as I love you." She told him, fingering the scar.  
  
Angel felt tears running down his face and was surprised. He din't know he was crying. Looking up, he saw Buffy was too. They clasped hands - and gradually were apart and sped away in opposite directions.  
  
Angel opened his eyes and felt himself crying even now and he reached up to wipe away the tears and was surprised he couldn't move. Angel began to cry again when he realized where he was.  
  
In a box.  
  
In the middle of the ocean.  
  
And Angel was once again, alone. 


End file.
